Episode 58
You haven’t been drinking. This is a brand new mini episode of the All Caps Podcast. Tanner has a special announcement.
“I’ve thought about suicide a lot in my life, not because I want to do it, but because I find it relaxing. It’s the spiritual reprieve of the faithless.”
re: some idiot kid lying about going to heaven
Don’t worry everyone because All Caps lives on—in our IM conversations.
C: ON A MUCH MORE DOWN-TO-EARTH NOTE: http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/42191453/ns/today-today_people/
T: THE ONLY GOOD ENDING FOR THIS VIDEO WOULD BE THIS KID GETTING SHOT IN THE EYE
C: I LOVE THAT THE GRANDFATHER HAS “HUGE WINGS”
C: WHEN BIBLICALLY CORRECT PEOPLE SHOULD NOTE THAT HUMANS DO NOT GET WINGS IN HEAVEN
C: WE DON’T BECOME ANGELS
C: ANGELS ARE BENEATH HUMANS IN THE CREATION HIERARCHY
C: THIS KID LOOKS LIKE JAKE LLOYD
C: AND THE MOM LIKE TILDA SWINTON
T: THIS LYING DICKWAD
T: WITH HIS SMILE
C: NO WAY THIS KID SPEAKS THE TRUTH
C: HE SAW JESUS
C: WHY WOULD THE GRANDFATHER SAY “ARE YOU TODD’S SON?”
T: “HEAVEN IS FULL OF DISMEBODIED DRIPPING WET COOTERS.”
C: JUST RIPE FOR THE MUNCHING
T: BUT THEY CONSTANTLY PLAY THE .WAV FILE SCREAM FROM EVERY SURPRISE GHOST ANIMATED .GIF
C: THIS DAD IS TRYING TO CAPITALIZE BIG TIME
C: HOW ABOUT THIS FOR A WISHMASTER-ESQUE HEAVEN: EVERYONE IS FUCKING OLD
C: WHEN YOU GO TO HEAVEN YOU’RE FUCKING OLD AS SHIT
C: FOR ETERNITY
C: WHY DOESN’T ANYONE SAY THAT
C: EVERYONE’S IN THEIR 20S AND 30S
C: EVERYONE
C: PERFECT
C: I WANT SOMEONE TO GO TO HEAVEN AND FLIP SHIT AROUND
T: I WANT GOD TO USE HEBBEN AS HIS PERSONAL COURT JESTER
T: SNAPS HIS FINGERS AND SUDDENLY EVERYONE HAS DOWN’S SYNDROME
C: THEY DON’T GO THERE
C: ANIMALS
C: FUCKING ANIMALS
C: THERE ARE NO ANIMALS IN HEAVEN
T: ONLY CUTE ANIMALS THOUGH
T: NO SLUGS
T: NO RATTLESNAKES
C: YEAH NO AFRICANIZED BEES
C: NOW WAIT A SECOND THOUGH
C: THIS KID MET HIS MISCARRIED SIBLING
C: http://www.oddfilms.com/blog/media/basket-case.jpg
C: I HOPE TO CHRIST THAT’S WHAT HIS MISCARRIED BROTHER LOOKED LIKE
T: COLTON FUCKING AWFUL HICKISH NAME
T: WE NEED TO DEDICATE BLLIONS TO COME-BACK-FROM-DEATH-BRIEFLY TECHNOLOGY
T: SO WE CAN BRING BACK RELIGIOUS PEOPLE FOR A FEW MINUTES
T: AND BE LIKE, “SEE MOTHERFUCKER.”
T: “NOTHING.”
T: “NOW DIE!”
T: AND THEN SEND THEM BACK INTO THE ABYSS
C: THAT WOULD MAKE A GREAT FILM
Special LIVE Episode 57
Recorded live in Detroit.
In the news: New clues hinting at Amelia Earhart’s final days, Zsa Zsa Gabor’s husband puts glue in his eye, Spiderman the musical is a hilarious mess, and Scientists have found 30,000 year old bones of a cousin to Neanderthals.
In culture: Chris and Tanner review True Grit. Tanner reviews The Fighter.
In humor: Tanner and Chris put friends of the show Katie and Jason in the infamous hot seat for a live edition of Love/Hate.
Runtime: 1 hour 12 minutes
Music provided by Right on Wagner and Darling Imperial.
Episode 56
Chris and Tanner rant about coupons.
In the news: A postal worker delivers a woman’s mail nude nude, a woman sues Capital One over a $286 million credit card bill, whatever is the most overused word, and the top twitter trends.
In culture: Chris uncovers a penis in Teen Wolf. Tanner reviews Sufjan Stevens’ Age of Adz.
In humor: Tanner and Chris discuss pro wrestling in a Time Trial Part Deux.
Runtime: 1 hour 16 minutes
Music provided by Right on Wagner and Darling Imperial.
Episode 55
Chris rants about college graduation standards and people who want to just pay to get degrees.
In the news: Netflix will be dead within a few years, John Boehner cries a lot, and the Bush tax cuts are evil.
In culture: Tanner reviews Black Swan.
In humor: Tanner and Chris discuss pro wrestling in a Time Trial.
Runtime: 1 hour 24 minutes
Music provided by Right on Wagner and Darling Imperial.
Episode 54
(Sorry about Tanner’s audio again. It’ll be fixed next time.)
Tanner rants about climate change deniers.
In the news: NASA made perhaps the best scientific discovery of the last decade, Leslie Nielsen died, Wikileaks releases some new information about US diplomacy, and Comcast is fighting against net neutrality.
In culture: P.T. Anderson’s scientology project is put on hold, but something else is in the works. Rumors about the third Dark Knight film. And Tanner reviews the videogame VVVVVV.
In humor: Tanner puts Chris in the hot seat for an intense round of Love/Hate, submitted by a listener.
Runtime: 1 hour 19 minutes
Music provided by Right on Wagner and Darling Imperial.
Episode 53
In the news: North Korea attacks South Korea, an old horror movie set fools cops, FLYING SNAKES, 88 year old man shoots his wife of 70 years, and the views of the tea party are radically different than the rest of the country.
In culture: DDL is playing Lincoln, Darren Aronofsky is directing a Wolverine film, and Elder Scrolls V is in development.
In humor: Chris and Tanner roast another chain email. This one is titled “Sack Lunch.”
Runtime: 1 hour 16 minutes
Music provided by Right on Wagner and Darling Imperial.
Special Episode 52 Outtake
This is an outtake of episode 52 with crappy audio quality. Enjoy, if you wish.
Tanner and the All Caps musicology team uncover a hidden meaning in Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance.” Listener Jim writes in and considers expanding dick metrics. And the first ever All Caps live show will be in December.
In the news: November 5th was the anniversary of time travel, China releases an Obama sex doll, a ten year old child has a baby, an asshole attacks a woman with his own semen, and Keith Olbermann is fired for contributing to the Democratic party.
Runtime: 45 minutes.
Music by Right on Wagner
Episode 52
In the news: Chris and Tanner rant about the election.
In culture: Summer 2011 will be a bloodbath in the cinema. Chris and Tanner review Jackass 3D.
In humor: Chris and Tanner discuss malls in a Time Trial.
Runtime: 1 hour 9 minutes
Music provided by Right on Wagner and Darling Imperial.
Episode 51
Tanner rants about people trying to find “the one” and religious geographic bias.
In the news: Mel Gibson just needs to give up and become a super villain, Christine O'Donnell exposes Tea Party hypocrisy, wind could have parted the Red Sea, Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert prepare a response to Glenn Beck, and Bill Murray is 60.
In culture: Tanner reviews Machete and Chris reviews a Dave Bazan concert.
In humor: Chris and Tanner construct their Noah’s Arks of sci-fi technology.
Runtime: 1 hour 30 minutes.
Music by Right on Wagner and Steve Minor
Special All Capitalists Podcast Episode 50
Tanner and Chris get fired and replaced by Taylor Hagen and C.L. Vieaugley.
C.L. raves about Glenn Beck.
In the news: Glenn Beck holds a rally on the anniversary of the MLK “I Have a Dream,” the rally’s attendance was estimated at 87,000, Obama is giving a speech on Iraq from his newly remodeled oval office, and John Cusack calls for the ritualized deaths of the GOP brass.
In culture: Taylor reviews The Antlers concert.
In humor: C.L. puts Taylor in the hotseat for a love/hate.
Runtime: 1 hour 34 minutes.
Episode 49
In the news: Japan hunts for more old ass people, Jessica Biel pictures are most likely to destroy your computer, a British TV show puts a disfigured person and an attractive person in a house full of mirrors, and anyone who doesn’t want a mosque near Ground Zero is practicing discrimination.
In culture: Tanner and Chris discuss Sufjan Stevens’ All Delighted People EP and Tanner reviews Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World.
In humor: Chris reads yet another racist chain email. And here’s the news story about a kid getting sent home for wearing an American flag t-shirt.
Runtime: 1 hour 45 minutes
Music provided by Right on Wagner and Steve Minor.
Episode 48
Tanner and Chris discuss genealogy.
In the news: A guy marinates a cat in his trunk and plans to eat it but is caught, dog eats its owner’s rotten toe, Jet Blue flight attendant quits in style, Google is turning to the dark side.
In culture: Tanner and Chris review Arcade Fire Suburbs. And they wonder if the whole album is plagiarized.
In humor: Chris initiates a Time Trial about chores.
Runtime: 1 hour 12 minutes
Music provided by Right on Wagner.
Episode 47
Tanner talks about The Cove and his potential vegetarianism.
In the news: A guy intentionally pukes on a girl at a sporting event, mortuary fakes funerals for money, Tokyo’s oldest man has been dead for 30 years, and the Triceratops may not have existed.
In culture: Tanner reviews The A-Team film.
In humor: Chris throws four real movie plots and one fake one at Tanner in Plot Poseurs.
Runtime: 1 hour 14 minutes
Music provided by Right on Wagner.
Episode 46
In the news: Wikileaks reveals information about the Afghan War, a food bank serves dog food, someone is shot after insulting a guy’s vodka bottle, and cops in Ohio can continue giving speeding tickets based on visual evidence.
In culture: Tanner and Chris discuss next summer’s comic book movies.
In humor: Tanner and Chris roast an intelligent design themed chain email.
Runtime: 1 hour 32 minutes
Music provided by Right on Wagner.
Episode 45
Chris reports in from the War of Zach Anner in Guatemala
In the news: Westboro Baptist Church is protesting comic con, there were two UFO sightings in China, a three year old moron supposedly is a genius, and a dead kitten was found in a Bass Pro Shop freezer.
In culture: Tanner and Chris review Inception.
In humor: Tanner and Chris discuss team sports in this week’s Time Trial.
Runtime: 1 hour 28 minutes
Music provided by Right on Wagner.
Special OMG It's a Girl Back to Back Episode 44
Against her better judgment, friend of the show Squid sits in for Chris again.
Tanner rants about Michelle Rodriguez.
In the news: The World Cup is finished and an octopus predicted most of it, STOP WATCHING MEL GIBSON MOVIES, Google has some kind of social network in development, and an update on Zach Anner getting raped by Oprah.
In culture: Tanner and Squid review Predators.
In humor: Tanner and Squid do the first ever love/hate hot seat DUEL.
Runtime: 1 hour 25 minutes
Music provided by Right on Wagner.
Dr. Tanner's Hip-Hop Prescription
In Episode 43 Tanner ranted about Eminem’s new album and how it might be distracting from better hip hop because of Eminem’s celebrity. Well, here’s your official prescription of good shit to recover from Eminem:
Kid Cudi - Soundtrack 2 My Life
Exploring anxiety and depression in far more interesting ways than Eminem with the help of a dynamic beat that isn’t trying too hard or overly processed. Some lyrical missteps (“My cock’s been sucked”) but infects your brain.
Kid Cudi - Pursuit of Happiness
And one more with a killer beat by MGMT and Ratatat that shows the best production comes from leaving the insular environment of star hip hop beat makers.
One of the most affecting and powerful MCs working. Effortlessly weaves folk-like tales of struggle with the help of a voice even Morgan Freeman is jealous of.
Raekwon et. al. - House of Flying Daggers
RAW WU
Highly skilled but ultimately immature with massive potential in his maturation—he just needs to write about something other than weed. But this simple casio beat serves as a platform for serious flow and moments of melodic genius (“I don’t love em; I don’t chase em I duck em”) that are absent in Eminem’s overcharged technical clusterfuck.
Charles Hamilton - Brooklyn Girls
He raps about videogames. That’s enough for me. This song, however, is more of a hook-laden and highly listenable attempt at exposure that didn’t succeed on the radio and was overshadowed.
Weakest song on this list but the most intelligent. An example of how to craft rhymes about something socially relevant and yet still personal.
Not hip hop but so ridiculously skilled and invigorating that she needs to be included. Step aside R&B no talents (Beyoncé) your mediocrity HATH BEEN EXPOSED.