The unofficial All Caps Podcast theme song:
“Beneath your perfume and your makeup
You’re just a baby in disguise
And though you know that it is wrong to be
Alone with me
THAT "COME ON” LOOK IS IN YOUR EYES!“
Episode 28
Tanner rants about people who don’t know how to make proper mix tapes.
In the news: It’s the one year anniversary of Obama’s victory, a man stabs himself to get out of work, we have new co-hosts for the Oscars, flu vaccines are controversial, and a German company releases a vaginal scent.
In culture: Tanner reviews Paranormal Activity and Tanner and Chris debate the merits of Where the Wild Things Are.
In humor: Tanner puts Chris in the hot seat for a love/hate.
Runtime: 1 hour 32 minutes
Music provided by Right on Wagner and Darling Imperial.
No Episode This Week
We recorded an hour long special Halloween episode but the recording software failed and no file was created. It’s a shame. It was a good one.
We’ll be back next week.
Episode 27
Tanner rants about people who don’t use self checkout at the supermarket and people who give up animals because they’re moving.
In the news: Lottery winner causes a riot in a Burlington Coat Factory, Balloon Boy, and the science of near death experiences.
In culture: Tanner reviews Capitalism: A Love Story and Chris reviews the Wavves album.
In humor: Chris presents another chainmail to Tanner, but this time it’s a list of historical facts that might be true or false.
Runtime: 1 hour 45 minutes
Music provided by Right on Wagner and Darling Imperial.
IM Conversation #3: Balloon Boy
Chris
OKAY. YOU’RE TOTALLY RIGHT ABOUT THIS BALLOON NONSENSE.
IT’S ALL PEOPLE ARE FACEBOOKING.
C
MEANWHILE, I THINK THEY FORGET THE FACT THAT IT’S EVERY KIDS’ FUCKING DREAM TO DO THIS.
EVERYONE WHO WANTS TO HATE THE PARENTS NEEDS TO REALIZE THAT FAMILY JUST MADE THAT KID’S DAY.
NOW HE MAY DIE.
BUT WHAT A FUCKING AWESOME WAY TO GO.
Tanner
IT’S THE EQUIVALENT OF CARRADINE PEACING HIMSELF OUT WHILE WACKING IT.
C
YEAH, EXACTLY.
THIS KID IS UP IN THE AIR RIGHT NOW GOING, “WHOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!”
AND IT’S BECAUSE HE LOVES EVERY MINUTE OF THIS.
T
I BET SOME CAMERA FOOTAGE WILL SURFACE SHOWING THE KID FALLING TO HIS DEATH WITH A SMILE ON HIS FACE AND A MIDDLE FINGER TO THE AIR.
TOO BAD THOUGH. JUST GOT WORD FROM THE POPE…
HE’S GOING TO HELL…
NEVER BAPTISED.
C
GODDAMN IT
WELL NOW THAT FAMILY NEEDS TO BE CHASTISED.
T
BAPTISMS WOULD BE SO MUCH MORE FUN IF PIRANHA WERE IN THE WATER.
C
HAHAHAHA
Episode 26
Tanner and Chris briefly rant about crowds at concerts and ads on websites to start off the show.
In the news: King’s Island had to take down their Halloween exhibit of celebrity corpses, a man gets a ring removed from his blackened penis, Roman Polanski is arrested, and a poll on Facebook asking if Obama should be killed.
In culture: Chris reviews the new Pearl Jam album and Dungeons and Dragons Online. Tanner reviews Scribblenauts for the Nintendo DS, The Informant, The XX’s debut album, and Bon Iver’s show at The Wiltern.
In humor: Chris offers up perhaps the most offensive chain email of all time in a new Chainmail segment.
Runtime: 1 hour 28 minutes
Music provided by Right on Wagner and Darling Imperial.
Special Reunited and It Feels So Good Episode 25
Tanner travels to Michigan and records an extended Time Trial with Chris starting with sleepovers and ending with Operation Desert Storm, holidays, and suicide.
Runtime: 1 hour 8 minutes
Music provided by Right on Wagner and Darling Imperial.
Episode 24
Tanner and Chris have a rapid fire rant session covering: guitar tab websites, diamond rings, pursed up lip pics, hot chicks on youtube, fairs, “looks,” talent show television shows, Las Vegas, Americanized Chinese food, hotel costs, and, strangely, the fact Tanner doesn’t dislike T-Pain.
In the news: Chris argues that the country is stupid citing the recent furor over Obama’s elementary school address.
In culture: Tanner reviews Extract and Man on Wire. Chris reviews Quarantine.
In humor: Another Time Trial this week about pen pals.
Runtime: 1 hour 5 minutes
Music provided by Right on Wagner and Darling Imperial.
IM Conversation #2: Healthcare contd.
More angry ranting with caps LOCKED.
Tanner
PEOPLE ARE LITERALLY SHOUTING AT WOMEN IN WHEELCHAIRS IN ORDER TO MAKE SURE WHITE GUYS MAKE MILLION DOLLAR SALARIES
Chris
LET’S GET BACK TO THE FUCKING POLIS
NO MORE OF THIS PRIVILEGE SHIT
IT’S INCONCEIVABLE
AND WHY AREN’T THE CHRISTIANS COMING OUT IN DROVES
THE ANSWER
THEY’RE IN BED WITH CAPITALISTS
THEY’VE DISCOVERED A MODEL THAT BRINGS THEM WEALTH
T
YEP CORPORATE CHRISTIANITY
C
IF JESUS RETURNS THEY’RE FUCKED
HE’LL SIDE WITH US
T
WE WILL BE AT JESUS’S SIDE
AND HEADS WILL EXPLODE
HE’LL BE LIKE, “YOU KNOW WHAT? SO FUCKING WHAT IF YOU DIDNT BELIEVE IN ME. I ADMIT, THE EVIDENCE FUCKING SUCKED. BUT SOMEHOW YOU ATHEIST HEATHENS EMBODY MY TEACHINGS MORE THAN THESE GOD DAMN SHITHEADS FILLING UP ANGELS STADIUM AND GETTING ‘BORN AGAIN’ SO THEY CAN CONTRIBUTE THEIR FAMILY’S MONEY TO BUILDING A NEW CHURCH SOUND SYSTEM.”
C
YEAH WE WILL BE UNSTOPPABLE
AND THE RETRIBUTION WILL BE SWIFT AND COMFORTING HAHA
IT WILL FEEL SO GREAT
AS A CHRISTIAN, I SIMPLY WANT TO KNOW HOW YOU RECONCILE THE IDEA THAT IF YOUR SAVIOR EXISTED TODAY YOU WOULD DENY HIM HEALTH CARE HAHAHA
Episode 23
Tanner begins reading an excerpt from George Eliot’s “Evangelical Teaching” which discusses the evils of preachers.
In the news: Chris lets Tanner choose three out of six topics and Tanner ends up selecting the following stories. First in “frizzle frazzle”, the world’s oldest dog dies, second in :science and technology" scientists propose new theories as to why people ave white skin, and lastly, in “celebrity news”, Chelsea Handler’s relationship ends.
In culture: Tanner and Chris review District 9, Inglourious Basterds, and Wendy and Lucy.
In humor: Tanner puts Chris through a time trial discussing film strips in elementary school.
Runtime: 1 hour 13 minutes
Music provided by Right on Wagner and Darling Imperial.
IM Conversation #1: Healthcare
We’ve decided to stop letting our IM conversations disappear into the bowels of the internet. Our solution is to start archiving them on the website for your enjoyment. Here is a conversation from this afternoon.
DISCLAIMER: THIS CONTAINS IRONIC HUMOR. THAT MEANS WE APPEAR TO SAY OR SUPPORT THINGS WE ACTUALLY DON’T FOR COMEDIC EFFECT. SO PLEASE DON’T EMAIL US ANGRILY. ACTUALLY, PLEASE DO. WE CAN INCLUDE YOU IN A FUTURE CONVERSATION.
FONDLY,
THE MANAGEMENT
Chris
http://runsickboyrun.blogspot.com/2009/08/your-health-or-your-wallet-choice-is.html
ANOTHER GRUELING STORY ABOUT HOW HORRIBLE OUR HEALTH CARE IS FROM SOMEONE WITH CYSTIC FIBROSIS.
Tanner
The one thing that story left out is that America is the best country in the world and to admit the healthcare system is flawed is to be unpatriotic.
I recommend this person be put in a re-patriotizing program that includes the purchasing of Kenny Chesney CDs, pickup truck driving, and troop supporting by sending the troops things they already have like toilet paper and tooth brushes.
C
AND BESIDES, WHAT COULD THIS PERSON POSSIBLY KNOW ABOUT THE HEALTH CARE SYSTEM THAT I DON’T ALREADY KNOW?
I KNOW THAT IF I GO TO THE HOSPITAL, I GET TREATED.
SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.
NO PROBLEMS THERE.
T
Yeah so she has CF. BIG FUCKING DEAL.
I had a broken arm once.
C
HAHAHA
T
AND I SWEAR TO GOD DR. HUXTABLE HIMSELF TREATED ME.
C
I ONCE HAD A SINUS INFECTION AND IT CAUSED PHLEGM IN MY LUNGS.
I GOT OVER IT.
THESE PEOPLE WITH CF ARE PROBABLY JUST FAKING IT.
I JUST COUGHED IT OUT.
T
NOT TUFF ENUFF.
C
GO BUY SOME ROBITUSSIN.
T
THEY NEED TO LISTEN TO THAT SONG ACTUALLY.
“ARE YOU TUFF ENUFFFFFFFFFFFFFF”
AND THE ANSWER IS MOST LIKELY, “NO.”
C
HAHAHAHA
T
SO WHAT THEY NEED TO DO
IS
#1 WATCH NAVY SEALS STARRING CHARLIE SHEEN.
#2 GET CHUCK NORRIS’S TOTAL GYM AND GET TO WORK.
THAT’S MY HEALTHCARE PLAN.
WORKS FOR ME.
IT’S CALLED TUFF ‘N STUFF HMO.
C
HAHAHAHAHA
IT CAN’T BE CALLED HMO THOUGH BECAUSE THAT’S TOO CLOSE TO HOMO.
CALL IT BAMO
BAD ASS MAINTENANCE ORGANIZATION
OR BAMMO.
T
GOOD POINT.
C
BAD ASS MUTHAFUCKAAAA MAINTENANCE ORG
T
THE FIRST THING THAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GO TO THE DOCTOR AND ASK TO GET TREATED IS THE ADMINISTRATIVE ASSISTANCE SLAPS YOU IN THE FACE.
C
HAHAHAHAHAHA
THEIR QUESTIONNAIRE HAS A SINGLE QUESTION: “WHAT’S YOUR EXCUSE?”
T
HAHAAHAH
THIS IS THE SONG I WAS REFERENCING http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EviIu2YqVyg
APPARENTLY TUFF MEANS WEARING A BERET AND BEING 50 POUNDS OVERWEIGHT.
WAIT, HE’S ONLY 15 POUNDS OVERWEIGHT. HE JUST HAS ONE OF THOSE SWOLLEN FACES.
THIS IS A SONG FOR OLD GUYS WHO ARE DRAINING THEIR RETIREMENT ON SOME OLD ASS MUSCLE CAR IN A DESPERATE ATTEMPT TO RECAPTURE THE ONE TIME IN THEIR LIFE THEY HAD HOPE.
C
THIS SONG IS DISGUSTING.
I SWEAR IT WAS IN A MOVIE.
T
THANKFULLY WHEN IM 45 ALL I WILL HAVE TO DO IS BUY A PLAYSTATION, COOL RANCH DORITOS, AND RC COLA AND PLAY XENOGEARS.
Episode 22
In the news: Chris and Tanner discuss old school computing, installing games, and dial-up modems. Chris covers a mouse being found in a Pepsi can, a guy almost killing himself cleaning a toilet, malaria’s origin being discovered, and an 89 year old Holocaust survivor getting murdered.
In culture: Tanner reviews a bunch of films: Moon, Visioneers, The Visitor, and 500 Days of Summer. Chris reviews The Pains of Being Pure at Heart album.
In humor: Chris throws Tanner into the hot seat for a love/hate.
Runtime: 1 hour 11 minutes
Music provided by Right on Wagner and Darling Imperial.
Episode 21
In the news: Tanner backs out of a rant about baby pictures on Facebook and then goes on a diatribe with Chris about baby drop boxes. Chris then talks about a man fighting a mountain lion with a chainsaw and the 40th anniversary of the moon landing.
In culture: Chris reviews Red Faction: Guerrilla.
In humor: Chris offers up another chain e-mail for the chainmail segment. This one is about a computer virus.
Runtime: 1 hour 1 minutes
Music provided by Right on Wagner and Darling Imperial.
Episode 20
In the news: First, Tanner shows Chris Megan Fox’s toe thumbs and asks him if it detracts from her hotness. Then Chris discusses a man falling to his death in a vat of chocolate, two men who managed to compile 42 tons of trash, the British NHS telling kids to have sex, and Barbara Cargill, creationist moron, getting elected to a board of education in Texas.
In culture: Chris reviews the Grand Canyon and Arkansas Hot Springs. Tanner reviews Super Spy by Matt Kindt.
In humor: Tanner and Chris embark on a Time Trial segment covering the childhood past time of “playing guns.”
Runtime: 1 hour 3 minutes
Music provided by Right on Wagner and Darling Imperial.
Special OMG IT'S A GIRL Episode 19
Lisette steps in for Chris who is on vacation. She’s the first woman EVER on a Chris and Tanner podcast.
In the news: Tanner offers an anecdote about a crazy person he met through online dating. As for news, Sarah Palin is resigning, the chief of the MI6 gets exposed on Facebook, and a woman is found dead in her apartment after five years.
In culture: Tanner and Lisette review The Hangover.
In humor: Tanner puts Lisette in the hotseat for a Love/Hate where she has to offer up her opinion on: themed decor, capri suns, the hustle, jungle gyms, pork and beans, wave pools, people who say matoor instead of mature, ITT Technical Institute, sleep overs, and stirrup pants.
Here’s the song for the “Detroit hustle.”
Runtime: 1 hour 8 minutes
Music provided by Right on Wagner and Darling Imperial.
Special Lone Wolf Episode 18
Tanner goes it alone in this episode since Chris is busy.
In culture: Tanner offers a solution to the issue of marriage.
In the news: Tanner discusses Michael Jackson’s death and why you should care, Simon Cowell’s $140 million offer, a 14 year old surviving a plane crash in the Indian Ocean, Al Franken winning his senate seat, and the Pirate Bay being sold to a public company.
In humor: Tanner teases next week’s discussion of online dating and the first ever female co-host of All Caps.
Runtime: 43 minutes
Music provided by Right on Wagner and Darling Imperial.
It’s a rare event when an artistic style is created. This one was caught on film.
Episode 17
In the news: Tanner rants about comic book store clutter, people having far too lofty job aspirations, and eager de-planers. Chris discusses the Iranian election and revolution, the fact we were right about Susan Boyle and her public destruction, and MySpace cutting its workforce. Chris also cancels his MySpace account live.
In culture: Tanner reminds everyone that Avatar: The Last Airbender is one of the best shows ever and Chris reviews Henry Rollins Uncut.
In humor: Chris and Tanner discuss kid birthday parties in a time trial segment.
Runtime: 1 hour 04 minutes
Music provided by Right on Wagner and Darling Imperial.
Why can’t we all wear Sherlock costumes with shiny underpants?
Episode 16
In culture: Tanner reviews Terminator: Salvation while Chris reviews Up. Tanner also reviews Passion Pit and Phoenix’s new albums. Finally, Chris provides our first ever review of a city with his official take on Portland, OR.
In humor: Chris and Tanner rank their top ten sitcom themes of all time.
Runtime: 1 hour 21 minutes
Music provided by Right on Wagner and Darling Imperial.